PASSING FOR NORMAL

My Rendez-Vous with the past…

Went home that night,
to find a letter from you that took me back,
I see your name and I am in a dream,
i see your cold smile between the lines,
Has it really been 10 years?
You left me numbers to reach you.
You commanded that I reach to you, Like you always do..
Some code for a foreign country, We never will be in the same country.
I dial the numbers.. And I freeze,
your voice shattered the silence...

- Hello..
- This is me..
- How are you?

Waiting for you,
my one and only,
aching for your embrace,
longing for a glance of your face

-Good, you?
- Where have you been all these years?
- Here.. working, living, studying…

Looking for you,
at our places,
stalking the memories and the old traces..
Struggling not to forget, but how can I forget.
I still cry at night,
the past is still too bright.
I see my solitude and your lies,
my scar that never dies.

- I see you got what you wanted
- I did…

I don't remember what i wanted..
How I missed you.
How I missed your heart,
that master of disguise,
that sadistic master of my heart..

- Has it been 10 years?
- Give or take.
- I have missed you.. I see a girl, fresh as the spring, i see us by the river, i’m playing with your hair and you’re holding my head with your sun-kissed arms.
( I smile)
- I know you're smiling..
( I recollect my nerves)
- I am not that girl anymore..

I wish i was that girl.
I wish it still was easy to love you,
to give in to you,
i wish i could shed one tear for you again..
But i am a woman now, a castle
I am a shadow, a broken spirit
I am a deserted island, stranded between shores..
I am a heart in shreds and a body of debts..

- Did you forgive me?
- …

Never
How can i love and forget?
I never hated you..
I see a boy, an innocent little boy…

- Come visit me
- Absolutely not.
- i have changed, i promise..

You will never change
don’t ever change,
you were born to make me suffer,
for you,
i want to suffer..

- you’re 10 years late!!

My love my one and only my first love..
Take care of you for me
take good care of that face
of that smile that i crave
of those eyes..
you will take care
you’re a man now
and you know how..

To my dear J.