Thursday, March 30, 2006

Meet you for a drink, a culture, a life?



Excuse my poor little attempt to recap on a topic that I do not grasp the first thing about. I did not go to seminars about it and sure did not read guidelines for it. I am not talking about love, I am talking about dating. The business that had launched carriers, made hits out of idiotic shows, sold books, yet left many of us clueless. I also do not want to talk about dating games and rules. For the mere reason that I am not aware of these rules. I usually am a straightforward person. I express my likes and dislikes and keep the other party updated.

In light of a conversation with a friend today and in response to people who mislabel one’s vulnerability and excitement towards the matters of heart as immature attempts to relive one’s adolescence, I think back. After a decade (man I’m old) of trial and error, I am still hopeful and still looking. It amazes me that we still do. After years of disappointments and thousands spent on drinks and fashion and trips, we still go back as troopers and still put ourselves out there with the same excitement of a ‘teenager’.

I used to think that I had it figured out. When you throw yourself into the dating arena in an environment that you have grown familiar with, you cannot go wrong, at least not at the beginning. You have a decent assessment of the other person’s character. Through preliminary questioning, you can formulate an idea of the person’s background and the values he was brought up on. You can anticipate his reactions and prejudices. You can evaluate his ability to care and give and love and hate. You have an intuition about his expectations, dreams and ambitions.

This, in fact, might still be true. Having said that, what is the palette in hand of a person who ventured out of that safe, predictable environment? Let me give you some examples. I met a French guy in Paris. We clicked immediately. Swinging at the Monte Cristo and melting to his voice and his lovely words over coup-de-foudres at the Café des Arcades. Lovely. He sang Georges Brassins songs and kept on complementing me. Fine. He lived in a world of dreams and would not stop singing. Had to go.

An American.. I was willing to learn. We met on September 11 (I still did not foresee the problem there). We studied together, watched SNL and he liked to cook for me. Divine. He had too many girl buddies, liked to bake and would not leave the apartment. Fine. His teasing words about my culture turned into heated discussions. He added the suffix Witz to my name at my doorbell and he hated cats. He dressed up as a woman for Halloween. He drank buds and smoked pot all the time. Had to go.

The German. We met at Zum Shneider during Oktoberfest over a pitcher of Hefeweizen. He previously was an accomplished full-blown surgeon in Switzerland. Rough around the edges but handsome and a great dancer. I was happy. He had a temper, hated my smoking. While he was training for the marathon, got edgier and colder. Still acceptable. He expressed a genuine hate for the non-German race, disliked my friends and style of fashion. He also had a wandering eye. Had to go.

The Canadian business man. A slightly older gentleman who was very busy and who ran his company from Canada. We met over steak and wine. I liked him. He was very reserved and called me his gentle lady. I liked to be pampered for a while. He brought me cigars and chocolate. We met in town like secret lovers. I was enchanted. His schedule got tighter and his ill-spirit surfaced. Alright. After a month, I inevitably ask him why he was not married still. It turns out that he was. Had to go.

The Lebanese politician. Summer vacation and an evening with friends. We spotted each other across the room. I was introduced to him. He picks me up and we go to dinner. Lebanese meza and a bottle of Arak. He wanted to give me the world. I did not want any of that. I liked his attitude and his vision. He started to show off. He did not need to do that. He got me gifts and told me stories about London and the playboy mansion. I did not like the facade. He cursed his ex-fiancee and attacked Rafik Hariri. He had to go.

...The Russian? Screwdrivers at Pravda and Tchaikovsky
The Moroccan sailor? Café Espagnol and Sangrias
Egyptians? Don’t get me started on the Egyptians...

I feel exhausted writing about it!
Still clueless? I feel the same. No regrets. Throughout all of it though, do not give up on love. We get more particular and more ‘picky’. Nothing wrong with that, otherwise what was the point of the journey. We’re not as stern as we’re made to believe. We do compromise when compromise is due and when the person is worth working for and working with.

Do not lose your childhood excitement,
at least not yet.

17 comments:

Dry Gin Martini said...

Damn gurl, you been around ;) My dating experience is limited to pretty much all cultures minus Lebanese.

Unknown said...

i've been around? well, i'm not young. how come you didn't date a lebanese girl? when canada is full of them.

Dry Gin Martini said...

I just never really knew many Lebanese girls growing up here, and most ones I met that were Arabic were Iraqi for some reason :S

How come ur never on MSN? I'm bored and can't sleep.

Laila K said...

funny/bittersweet stories girl..and i'm happy you haven't lost the cild in you..imagine how boring life will be

Ghassan said...

Reading your blog, I could clearly see that it's not about 'compromise' or 'being picky'... it's about creating your own illusion of an encounter, adding spices to a story that in reality would have been stale, more straight forward.
but at the end of the day when reality doesn't live up to the dream, it becomes comically unbearable and uninteresting.
so yes as you said it is about stunted adolescence, and making your world glitter...
So we are not 'stern' we are just... well, dreamers.
"... moon river, we are crossing you in style."

Fouad said...

Around the world in how many men? your book is almost begging to be written.

Unknown said...

laila, yeah bitter bitter bitter sweet. no regrets and we always come out winners, right?

gus, no reality will ever live up to the dream. nous ne sommes plus ces enfants terribles. but still crossing in style.

fouad, my mom would hate that book :)

Ghassan said...

'enfants terribles' always; not for nothing that Jean Cocteau spelled it out!
:)

Unknown said...

you think?
then what? doesn't she die at the end?

Ghassan said...

Dies? hardly.
the guest boy dies, not them...

Unknown said...

right right
he always dies :)

Lebatron said...

All the guys there had flaws, evidently.

The french guy was too nice. Bad trait. It's great to be a gentlemen. Chivalry is great, too. But it gets boring after a while. I would say he would need have more jokes, get out more and find the ground instead of floating on cloud 9.

With your description, I would have thought the American gay. And he didn't leave the apartment? Was he some kind of dweeb?

As for the German dude didn't have much in common with you anyways. And since you weren't really get along, the breakup was bound to happen.

Ah the Canadian business man. I can't say anything bad on that one because I don't know enough. Although disrespect for his wife like that is pretty sad. Whatever, it seems some men still have sexual needs.

A Lebanese politician...oh god..the irony...(dont worry, I'm lebanese too, i can say what I want) It's true, some lebanese try to show off. I don't know why though. Many become big headed.

I don't know what more you want me to say. All these guys had their flaws, although they did have a one or more good things about them. Now if you could only bring those positives together into one person...

Unknown said...

would you happen to know a prson who has all these positives? and if he happened to exist, why would he be single still?
and yeah the american, turned out gay!!

Lebatron said...

Check out my site, by the way. I have a survey I would like to see answered. Women are the most important for this survey.

And yes, I do know guys who fit those positives.

Hashem said...

Keep trying....that's part of the dating package...
I'm sure you'll meet somebody who will deserve you bannot...

Unknown said...

yes hashem. thanks

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