Monday, June 29, 2015

Grief..

When you look it in the face..
when you live it..
breathe it..
there aren't five stages of grief..
no
there's only one stage..
a circle
an endless circle
a repeating dream..
you forget and then you remember..
your brain tries to wrap around the news
the realization
and you cannot overcome the unthinkable
so you forget again
till it hits you again
and every time it hits harder
with the added guilt of having avoided thinking about it..
it is not stages
it is an endless cycle
of bitterness
of fear
of disbelief...

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

New leaf ...

I have done the tattoos
the hair coloring
the place to live
I have moved a lot
and loved a lot
and redefined myself a hundred times

I have done neurotic
done self loathing
done insecurities
I have done the sickness
the hardwork
the caretaking
the ego stroaking
have paid the dues
I have done sad
and sad
and sad
done lost
done aimless
I have done self-destructive
and paranoid

done desperately in love
desperately in life..

done the sleepless nights
the hopeless days

done the wars
the establishing
the standing my ground

done the family
the friends
the experimenting with your body
the events
the social network..
done the top of the world
done the bottom and the despair...

Today I am born again..
born again..
and ever so mundanely,
Happy

happy and content
at peace..

I am me.
and I am back