Friday, February 29, 2008

Confession #2

I hate most people

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Confession #1

I'm afraid of ghosts. I sleep with the lights on and the TV on. Oh and i'm 30 and fairly balanced and i don't believe in an after life but i'm afraid of ghosts!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

m'ami

l'ete prochain

promis

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Another day here in Lebanon ...

video




Friday, February 15, 2008

Taking the long way home ..













































































































































Monday, February 11, 2008

Awesomest!



Awesomer!

Awesome!

Sunday, February 10, 2008

O

And you ...





































As for the present …

Those little things that lighten up your day. Those little things that keep you breathing, day after day. Your right to a hot cup of coffee in the morning. Your right to dance behind closed doors. Your right to enjoy the most eclectic playlist on your ipod. Your right to wear a scarf on a sunny day, to cross the street with arms behind your back, to step out in the middle of the day to feel the sun on your skin. Your right to be. The things we enjoy in the present. When we can’t see ahead. My right to call you by a different name, every time I see you, my right not to see you, my right to love you or hate you, my right to laugh in the face of discomfort, to walk barefoot in my yard, to get a dog. My right for a bubble bath on a Wednesday, for a cigarette before bed, for lipstick on your cup. Those little things I do everywhere. Things that resist our tolerance, that no matter how long we expose ourselves to, we still enjoy, we still feel and react to every time. Making a new friend, talking to complete strangers on a night out, remembering a dream, finding something you thought you lost, finding something from the past. Looking at pictures, taking pictures, spreading color pencils all over the floor and coloring with the kids, planning the next vacation, going on the next vacation, writing a new post, writing a poem, watching people through their windows and imagining how their life could be, movies night. To hear yourself reciting those couple of sentences you learned in a new language, to hear him say your name for the first time, to hear birds sing and know winter will come to an end, summers. Swimming in May, arranging the inside of my purse, singing my heart out in the shower, a kiss in the corner of my mouth, getting an unexpected letter after years of being away from him, wearing colors, getting a massage, better yet giving a massage, cooking with no recipe, living with no recipe …

The little things i enjoy…

Saturday, February 09, 2008

February

Politicians keep provoking one another saying they’re not afraid …

Ummm ...

I am … !!!???

Dying as collateral while some figure is being targeted in the heart of the city ... Stupid way to die!!

That scares me!

The streets were furnished with gutted shells as I ran across at night to my car, locked the doors, closed the windows and drove like mad woman to get home.

Dying by a stray bullet shot to celebrate a politician interview … what a ridiculous way to die ...

Thinking about death at every turn on your way to work when you're stuck in traffic when you're out at night when you pass one of the many streets that witnessed crimes when you watch the news and at every significant date every diplomatic visit every new event unfolding ....

What a ridiculous way to live!

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Words alone ...





I want to feel again ...



I want to scream and insult someone very harshly and also laugh very loudly and kiss till my lips hurt and jump like a kid and draw on the walls ... again ... I want another round, another stream of ups and downs another love that brings me to life that makes me want to dance and want to act up ... again ... I want another chance to start fresh only to mess it all up to mix it up ... again ... I want to lose my address lose my bags lose my notes forget my name and go on ... for another turn ... another time ... I want to fly ... I want to fly home ...

Monday, February 04, 2008

Hopeless ...

Six years craving a saj man2ousheh ...
What i would do for a butternut squash muffin right now!

Sunday, February 03, 2008




BACK TO NORMAL
















How do you tell your mom that you need to stay away, that it is what you have to do, that this time it will be for a while ...
How do you tell yourself that this is the right thing to do. How do pull yourself together and pull yourself stronger and look away ...
How do you tell that little child that you'll see him again one day ...
How do you ask a child to stop crying your name ... To stop loving you so much .. How do you ask him to kindly forget you for a while …
How do you shut the child crying inside of you ...
That inconvenient child that makes you want to stay, to give it all up ... How do you tell the child inside that this is the hand you were dealt? To keep leaving, to keep moving, to look for life away from your life …
Mama said, your destiny will lead you … How do you tell your mom that you don’t believe in destiny… that this is the weight you have to endure … the guilt of making the choice of being away from her and going back to yourself … so that you can survive, so that you won’t blame her if you miss yourself and you’ll only blame yourself when you miss her …

I think it's brutal to be ravaged with emotions this strong and to be faced with decisions this grave. I am not hiding anymore and not blaming myself for being shocked and being confused. It is sad. So very sad but we will survive this one too like we did before.

Thank you for the wakeup call!
I am already smiling again ...

Friday, February 01, 2008

I miss you




















My phenomenal you ..
Some people we write about, some we see, some we talk to, some we miss, some we have with us, in our hearts, really we do. Like emotional armor, they're secretly with us, to make us stronger, so we go on thinking we don't miss them, thinking we'll see them again soon, to go have lunch, to go for a walk, to talk for hours and let the hurt out ..
We think next time we'll break our heart, they'll be at the door, with our filet mignon and a Foreman grill, in case we didn't have one, cupcakes from Magnolia, will make you tea with one ice cube and sit down to listen. We think the next big evening we have, they’ll come over to take you shopping but not before taking you for appetizers at little Brazil and then lunch at Meza grill and then make sure you will get the chance to ask about your favorite chef. We think they’re down the hall, every day, waiting for you to drop by, with coffee, to make fun of the people who bother them and to tell them it will be ok, and to take them out for a beer that you hide in the cold room underneath the bacterial dishes. You think you’ll be there when their cat dies, when yours gets sick, when you feel like cooking Indian food, when you feel like Russian drinks. You think you will never have a Beaujolais nouveau without them, never run away from someone at the mall without them, never try a new hair color a new dress a new path without them … And you let yourself be vulnerable .. Thinking you will never have to cry alone … and you cry for the last time in the wind, in that new dress you never wore again, when you see them leaving and you know you will never be down the hall again .. They will never take care of you when you’re sick, you will never yell at a guy who was rude to them … We will never express absolute disgust with everything and everyone around us again … and we will never dance till the morning hours in the village again …
Some people are just there for you, never judging you, never labeling you, always available when you need them, always willing to understand and forgive and let go .. And when you think you have to, even let you go ..
Amazing in every way they are and more amazing is that they think you are …
I miss you my darling ..