Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Back to the 'place'

I came home .. worked out .. cooked lunch .. and then spent the afternoon sitting in the sun, taking in the salty air, the summer warmth .. fishermen bickering under my balcony .. my favorite music in the background ... Such a blissful afternoon ... I had the world and i did not need more .. sat still .. looking at the waves, at the people walking by, at the skies, at my life ...

The simple pleasures ... The moments that leave you content and almost.. happy...
Of course there is the breakup.. the reactions from people.. those strange attempts by your family to help you .. to help you get over it, get busy finding another ... knowing they will never support you in your decision of being happy just on your own.. why do people think they need to live in couples to be happy? odd!

"No regrets...
Although our love affair has gone astray...
still in my heart you'll be...
forever mine... "

i love my affairs, love the beginning and the end, the sweet nostalgia, the sweet sorrow when seperating, the passion at first .. most importantly, i love being alone in between affairs. i will never be able to give that up .. so here .. i said it ... i think i'm good! i cannot fake sadness, cannot fake loneliness..

What i had mistaken for apathy all this time might as well just be contentment .. a frightening thought still but very freeing .. it might be scary, especially to someone like me, to think that i can be content.. i have always worked and kept on leading to a goal ... going towards something i want, something i dream about, something i thought i needed and could not live without .. so i worked, dreamt and lived .. towards something ... something specific and within my reach ..

i do not dream anymore.. do you? i don't have dreams anymore. that i think is the scary part about being content, about being apathetic towards challenges ... towards overanalyzing problems.. towards caring about rules and protocols and projections and expectations ..

I do not care … simply .. not because i am apathetic towards life.. simply because i am content... i am apathetic towards the problems of life...

Monday, April 21, 2008

Ring off !

God damn it..