PASSING FOR NORMAL

Fever and the Oscars..

I woke up still in pain today and with a temperature. My brain is fried and I have no feeling in my legs. My ankle is swelling even more and I started to hallucinate. It could be that I haven’t eaten in 4 days or the high dose of painkillers I’ve been shoving down my throat. The fever is affecting my brain. My eyes are teary and my back aches. I’m sweating and moaning and I don’t know how to start the day. In the midst of my illusions, I lost track of time. I was back in time.. 5, 6, 7 years ago. I don’t know how the time went by so fast. I still define myself as the girl who I was back then. I was happier back then. I was more hopeful back then. I had closer contact with who I value in life. I missed some faces from the past. GK, you were so warm and sweet. We’ve been together through some rough days and some good ones. LK, I do miss you. I can’t think for a reason we haven’t talked all this time. JS, the pampered prince and NH, my angel. G., my dear friend. I am blessed he’s still here. He’s always been my rock. The reason in my head and the anchor that brings me back. Or is he gone? I don’t know but I certainly hope not. My leg hurts and I can’t breathe. He tells me I'm okay. What does he know? I never took pride in anything that is being done elsewhere. Today I will, blame it on the fever. I am sorry about your heart my darling. Maybe that’s why you lost all feelings in this organ of yours. I admire you, a tour of strength, but I’m not that strong. I’ve suffered and cried every night. Tonight is the awards and I have to be ready for it. I’ll probably do some data analysis while watching it. Time management and multitasking, I’m sure I only learned these skills in this city that’s always in a hurry. I don’t know who’s going to win what. I like Capote and I commend Clooney for his multiple talents. Today will be a good day. I am out of cigarettes though. Leaving my country and my family so abruptly, I developed an unhealthy habit of getting attached to anything I find comfort and familiarity in. I love Saturday afternoons with Mia, talking about nothing and everything and eating the fresh baked goods we just picked up from the good bakery. We haven’t done that in a while. It used to remind me of sitting next to my mom as she slowly sips coffee with her friends. It feels so warm sitting by my mother. I will call her. I will call her and then watch the Oscars. For now, I will work on getting rid of my fever. I should eat something. I lost my appetite. I think I’ve been sick because…

“Ice cream castles in the air
I looked at clouds this way
But now they only block the sun”