Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Numb...

I am bored…
I have always had a higher tendency to get bored. I feel unchallenged and unstimulated faced with many instances and many directions in my every day life. Lately I have reached a new level where I think I am bored with life in general and this is not, in any way, acute. This feeling has been creeping into my life for quite sometime now and throughout the years I have eliminated many involvements, even emotional ones, which I ceased to react to.

I eat half a meal; listen to bits of songs, read half books, and I get tired in the middle of an experiment, in the middle of a sentence, in the middle of a kiss. I want the practical end of a relationship and the short version of a life. I look tired and I feel tired. I am bored and done with conceptual solutions to keep busy and have a meaning of all of this. I am not sad in any way, I am bored with sadness, I am just dried up and numb. I am bored of the same faces, the same places, my keys, my wardrobe, my computer, with love and this country. I am bored of the same voices, the potentials and the lack of, the accumulated papers I have to read, the next step that is long due and I’m bored with you. Now I’m bored with this post

30 comments:

Maxxed`ouT said...

Et si je t'embrassais ? ...

Mirvat said...

ca ne va rien changer..

laila said...

I hear you

Fouad said...

Time to get bored with boredom, and be excited about the boring shit of everyday life.

Mirvat said...

fouad, passed that and looped back!

hashem said...

take a long vacation, Mirvat...a vacation till you are bored with vacationing....

DA said...

This post was pretty boring to read, but then I read only half of it :-)

Unfortunately so reckognizable. I think reorganizing life is the answer. Switch jobs, new relationships, move to Miami or Amsterdam. Good luck preparing the changes! Take care...

The Eyewitness said...

Mirvat, a very killing feeling I know it...
I just have a question "are you just bored or you are asking yourself about the meaning of your life?"

abhay k said...

You are just facing Existential Angst according to Satre...

FZ said...

check out the pen festival of voices happening through sunday
www. pen.org -- ritalin for the soul! :)

Mar said...

It's just a phase, you'll come back. It's warmer outside, hope that helps motivating you. You need a long vacation away from hectic new york.

Mirvat said...

Da, sorry for boring you
eyewitness, it's not an existentialist crisis, i guess i'm too old for that. i know the answer for what is life all about, nothing really. i guess it's just a wave of boredom that will go away soon.
abhay, yes and the solution according to sartre would be to find a balance between my 'self' and my apparent 'exterior' and to say screw the 'other' and embrace the 'nothing'.
fz, thank you, and your blog is always a wonderful read to stay motivated
mar, thank you and you're right. it was warm today and i already feel better

Zee said...

Welcome to "the club" - you finally made it! In a little while you will learn about all the benefits of the club, now that you joined. You are a fairly young member here, compared to the average age of others, so the wisdom of boredom and its jubilant virtues will take longer for you to grasp (my personal prediction - I might be wrong though).
In any case, it is not as bad as it seems at first. You are merely going through the steps of initiation!
The good thing about our club is, you can always quit ... without penalties - and then re-enter again without additional fees. Quite unique really!
I no of no other club with such marvelous terms, except the club of boredom.

Oberon said...

......momma said.....people who are bored......are just boring.....i got new shoes....you like my shoes?.....and yes...i love you darling....i've got all the time in the world.

Mirvat said...

zee, thanks for having me in the club.
oberon, thanks for visiting.

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