Wednesday, August 16, 2006

I know I promised… Well I take it back...

I don’t want to hear or see or feel anything for a while, please.
I don’t want the reactions and interactions, the sympathy looks and the solidarity back taps and the pity facial expressions masking an empty head.
I don’t want the analysis and the aftermath and the point of views and the threats and the unequivocal evidence of a yet ambiguous human succession of events.
I don’t want to be here or there. I don’t want the weight or the burden or the natural or the unnatural feeling that should or would or has to follow.
No more pictures please.
I don’t want the nostalgia, the pain, the fervor of anger, the paralyzing loss, the shock and disbelief, still. I don’t want the acceptance either.
I don’t want the fake questions and the quick responses and the perpetual detached existence.
I don’t want the bigotry and the hate and the disguised tolerance and understanding, I don’t want forgiveness either.
No more headlines, no more orange... back to blue.
No more Fairuz songs. I don’t want to long and ache for times I will never know and live.
No more being nostalgic to nostalgia.
No more pain.
Yes I promised not to hide anymore...
I need to hide for a while.

20 comments:

hashem said...

take care.

Haider Droubi said...

i thought y will say it earlier.....
y need it ....

Zee said...

Get out of the city,
shut off the media,
just talk to your folks
nothing else -
avoid to ponder
breathe in the rays of late summer
then come back to the city
and be Mirvat again.

All the best to you, I think about you a lot even though I don't post much these days. I hope you can sense that.
Peace, Lukas.

AM said...

What you need is a trip to Dubai where we can go dancing on the beats of the best Lebanese songs, get drunk, stay late after the pub closes, sing with the rest of the people hanging still there '3ayshi wa7da balak' and many other songs with no music and end the evening with a delicious man2oushe from Za3tar ew Zeit at shi 4 in the morning, a place full of Lebs at this hour ... that was my medicine last week and trust me IT WORKS!

Eve said...

fairuz wel moustalzamet el fayrouzieh sayra 3am bit3assebneh hal iyyem.. akh we need shwayyeh min hol:
http://santakarim.blogspot.com/2006/07/blog-post_24.html
:)

Shirin said...

Be strong!!!

I hope Lebanon will be The Lebanon i saw, one last time before the war.
I want to come back and be able to laugh with my friends.
I want to be able to talk about the war as something from the past...

Be strong!!

Shirin from Lebanon
http://shirin-from-lebanon.blogspot.com/

Mar said...

am is right. You can stay at her place or mine ( in a month). Shoo elte? We can both find out if it works. I yet have to find out :)

_z. said...

many "things" are "legal" in montreal. yalla take a trip up north, relax, chill and stuff.

here's another proposition. we are going camping on the first weekend of september, if you are interested in canoe trips, walks, and camp fires in the Canadian wilderness, you are more than welcome.

hey you may even spot a bear!

Eve said...

guys, ma tetkhana2o 3al benet. Mirvat, la montreal wala dubai, ta3eh 3a libnen :)

Ghassan said...

canoe trip, my dear? hahaha

Anonymous said...

i just wana tell u to keep up the good work and keep ur head up ur blog has been one of my favourites through out the war i came across it by chance and then i ve become addicted
after the hard time all of u had it's natural to feel some how tired
but plz keep up ur spirit always high it shines beautifully through this website
keep up the good work and do whatever it takes to keep this fuel that energtic soul of yours

Ostfen said...

Mirvat,

We still need your voice so please don't be long:)

Mirvat said...

hashem i still answer my phone though.. we didn't discuss the post war scenarios!

haider, yeah i know.. i need to refuel.

zee, thank you, i know you're around and you've been supportive all the way.

am, :((((
this sounds like a night in beirut!! i wish i could.. visa crap you know!! and being lebanese right now, i should just stay put till i graduate we ma iftiri 3a 7ale.

eve, that's funny. i heard about the feud when i was in lebanon and was thinking how stupid! over el wawa a7!! yalla henet, killa kam shaher and i'll be in beirut and we'll have coffee.

shirin thanks and welcome to the site :) don't worry us lebanese, we're made of steel.

marmoura, are you in dubai already? that's right i didn't ask you if you left! in any case, no.. you'll meet me and eve in beirut like we said. 3al balcon :)

we zouzou a7la 3alam man, legal eh.. so tempting but back to the visa problem.. no go my friend.. maybe sometime later..i'll let you ask ghassan what happened last time we went canoeing.

anon, thank you so much. it's been very therapeutic for me to vent out during this war. it won't be long :)

J. la' 7abeebe, yawmen bass, heik te3bet nafsiyte shway. routine of war, need to step out for a couple of days.

Mirvat said...

ok i'm back

_z. said...

ghassan! can you please tell me what happened the last time you guys went camping?

Mirvat said...

we went on a canoe trip with the lab. like they say two captains can't command a ship, right? yes. well also two very lazy people, which is a fair description of Gus and I, can’t make a canoe go where it’s supposed to go. The Delaware river was too much for us, it was mid-summer mind you. We pretty much gave up and started smoking both of us and let nature take its course, got stuck on a pile of branches in the middle of the rive eventually and we just sat there. After an hour the rest of the group missed us so they sent a canoe to look for us, in it was a guy and his little kid. They ended up toeing us with a rope. The kid had to put in extra effort to pull us. It was humiliating.

_z. said...

LOL!
Ah! my kind of a canoe trip.
Did you think we were going to make any effort. We sit in the thing, row a bit, smoke and drink beer while pretending to fish.

Mirvat said...

in that case i'm in, as soon as i get a visa :P

AM said...

3al balcon in Beirut? ye3ni tlo3et barra ana?! :O

Mirvat said...

_z, isn't all fishing basically pretending to fish :)

am, no you'll have to meet us in beirut, 3al balcon, bala dubai bala ballout :P