Tuesday, August 08, 2006

I still leave my apartment every morning,
I still wake up
I still go to the store and pick up one, two packs of Marlboro
I still miss the nights in Jbeil by the sea shore,
A handful of peanuts and eyes on the stars…
I can still smell the sea, and feel the sand in my fingers…
I can still taste the air of Beirut…

I still glance at the shelves to glimpse at the headlines,
The papers are leaving us, more so every day
The blogs are outraged, less so every day
And you would think the killing stopped
And you would think it’s not getting worse
No
No
No
And a hundred no to you
And a hundred no will not stop you
And a million life that’s not good enough
And a stream of blood not big enough

I still wake up
Look around me in awe
How do people go on?
How do I go on?
And I miss a hot day at Bint Jbeil
And I’ve never been to Bint Jbeil
What if it is all a dream?
What if her brother was killed?
What if he was a prince?
And I feel sick
And I read a curfew
No
No
No
I scream, and nobody listens
How dare you?
It must be a dream

And I feel their boots on my skin
And every rip in the earth
Rips in my heart
Rips in my soul
And every vein they cut
They cut from my wrist
And as they block the sky
I live in darkness
And every little face they burn
Every little lash they burn
Every little mouth they burn
And as the earth opens up
Once more
To hide their pure bodies
I curl up
With a dead stare
My body aches of disgust
Still as our dead shores
My body revolts and spits out
A black breath for our black skies
Blood for blood
Tears for our fears

vomit for the lies
Sweat to expunge the sins
And I’m still scared
Still scared,
Are we ever prepared
For the unspeakable

Do you hear the screams
Under the rubbles
Do you see the Litani
A river of blood
Do you see the dead
Can you close your eyes
Are you the devil
In disguise
Is this the human demise
Is this the beginning
Or the end?
And now what?

We wake up
Again
And pretend
To be alive
our story

we will not forget
you will see it
in our eyes

our turns
our stares
our soul
that you will never steal...

11 comments:

Hamze said...

Mirvat,

Utterly Inspirational...

My soul, however, will always live on. First of all because I refuse to give Israel the mere pleasure. and secondly, because I am.... Lebanese.

Mirvat said...

ma3ak ha'
i fixed my mistake :)
that is very inspirational, thank you for reminding me.
alla ykhallilna libnan.

laila said...

mirvat hayete this was beautiful

_z. said...

:) welcome back. I love to read you like that. it's been a while.
don't despair though.

Again, I hand you my special recipe... laughter.

Now I love haifa for what she is and what she says she is (not claiming to be a great singer and all), and I hate to be part of the crew bashing her, but here it goes:
"Hassan Nasrallah sends Haifa to Israel, so that she can charm Israeli soldiers with her beauty and other features, and then kill as many of them as she can.
A couple of months go by and she comes back reporting.
- How many have you killed already, asked the sayyid?
- none!
- WHAT! I sent you months ago. We were counting on you. How can you tell me that you have done nothing for us!

as she places the palm of her hand on her belly she says:

Walaw sayyid! I got you a prisonner!"

(Haifa is our Lebanese version of Marilyn Monroe; much hotter though)

Eve said...

lol _z! :)

Mirvat, that was kteer helo! I cannot but stop at those verses in particular
"And I miss a hot day at Bint Jbeil
And I’ve never been to Bint Jbeil"
I miss the Lebanon I never saw or knew.

Ostfen said...

Simply beautiful words.

hashem said...

I hear you, m.
I've been to bint jbeil many times between 2000 and 2003....the whole area there is so beautiful....you can glimpse that even in the pictures showing the bombing....
beautiful, and will stay beautiful....
"our story
we will not forget
you will see it
in our eyes
our turns
our stares
our soul
that you will never steal..."
indeed....this will be a scar on us that will never disappear...

nado said...

من خُلق من نور لا تقتله الظلمة.. وهكذا لبنان

Mar said...

Miss such posts too. I'm tired of feeling.

Mirvat said...

layoul habibi, mara7 ellek illa layoul, keef serte?

_z, khalas ba'a, yom you say despair we yom don't despair :) shou same3 shi? i know dear, i know. we can't give up. we don't have the right to. meen 7am y3ammer lbalad? mahek ya mhandes?

eve we abul hish, ma7rou' albi 3al places that i don't know and may never know how they were. bass fashar. i will. we mish bass bissouwar.

J. keefna lyom?

ing, ya hala

we mar hayete, keefek? sarle zamen masheftek? ahlek keef?

Delirious said...

:(
Beautiful...