Monday, November 06, 2006

Is that all there is?

Do you sometimes wonder how and why you got where you are and when will it happen for you? And by it, I mean all. I mean life. Life as we learned it in movies and in novels and in operas. The stage you were promised with, or promised yourself for that matter. I would gracefully step down and get over mourir sur scene but never thought of not being sur scene to begin with. Does it feel to you that the constant elephant in any room full of adults is that lingering question, what the hell happened to my dreams? Does it get down to a point where any food for our lost confused souls has to fall under the ugly self-help and self-assertion and affirmation bullshit we try to convince ourselves with? Somewhere between the who we were and the who we hope to be, do we even know who we are? I still am waiting for my life to take off. Are you? When was the last time you had a day at work that was, in your eyes, as exciting or stimulating or hopeful as the last big ‘life-changing’ exam you passed? When was the last time you went away on a vacation that felt as dreamy or adventurous as a ski trip in school or a weekend away with your buddies in college? When was the last night out on the town or the last party or wedding you’ve been to that felt like that first big birthday party you threw or that club you ran to with your underage friends behind your parents’ backs.
Maybe it’s me but in order for me not to settle in life I had to bet on love. Maybe that’s why whenever I start writing about life; I end up writing about love. Love would be my walk in Jardin de Tuillerie in Paris or even my weekend in Vegas, a sidetrack in life full of flowers and dreams and maybe neon lights. I remember a vacation in Cyprus when I was 14 and I remember sneaking out with my sister riding down the bike track to the bar district where we sat far away and watched the beautiful couples dancing. I also remember our neighbors next door, a young attractive couple. Dad would buy us ice cream at the place next door as we sat down and watched them having dinner at the terrace from across the street. We dreamt of love. The thought that this awaited us in life was so exciting and we secretly hoped for it. I wonder how long that cute couple stayed together. I wonder if she was sick and tired of him not listening to her when she talked and if he eventually couldn’t commit and started dating another woman on the other side of the island. I’ll always wonder about love. I don’t know anymore. I loved once before. The crazy love. The can’t live without him kind of love and I’m afraid nothing will ever live up to that. It is a fact we have to acknowledge that, as we get more practical in life (older), the surprise flowers, the secret admirers, the outrageous feelings and the possibilities just might get more realistic.
Some of my more mature friends tell me they can’t remember the last time they had a fuzzy stomach and they tell me to get real and embrace the idea that loves like that just won’t happen anymore. The dreamers, like me, refuse to settle for any less and still are hoping for fireworks. Should love be for companionship? Someone who would hold your hand to get through your other disappointments in life or is that in itself disappointing? Should love be your only hope for that life of excitement and dreams and hopes and adventure?
Would you wait for a man who would inspire your poems of passion or would you settle with the man you would dedicate them to?
I know I’ll have my coup de foudre with an umbrella for one for now...

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mmm, Mmm - no.
Love moves back and forth rhythmically. Sometimes you can feel the pulse, other times you are stranded without perception and only a faint memory helps you to bridge the gap of time.
"...When was the last time you went away on a vacation that felt as dreamy or adventurous as a ski trip in school or a weekend away with your buddies in college? ..."
It can be done, it has been done - even by me :))
I start to understand why you insist on dreams Mirvat, the kind of dreams that mend.
That's good.
Lukas.

nour said...

speaking of life, that intense feeling is almost forgotten, in the mist of the routine and fast moving life, i become familiar with "not much expectations" idea...
it's just another day...
dreams, hopes, stuff...well, i narrowed them to my love for nature and my dreams of evading...
love, yeah been a while i hadn't felt a fuzzy stomach, and frankly speaking, i don't think it'll ever happen again...if it does, i'll come back to this post and make a note..;-)

laila said...

:) beautiful hayete
i want both, the inspiration and the dedication..nothing less. (for now, it's "aspects!" as H used to say)

Maya@NYC said...

very well said... like you, i oscillate between waiting and not wanting to wait... beware of what you wish for! you might get it... (and then lose it again? get bored from it? watch it end?) sometimes the anticipation is far better than the destination... and that's where i stay for now... i wish you to stay happy, with or without love...

gitanes legeres said...

no there's more. always more..
and ur couple from cyprus, they're still together..

Ibn Bint Jbeil said...

Nour, yes, love for nature definitely is more reliable as a source of Fuzz than the love we expect from people. I don't know why we avoid this love more often than run to it....

maybe we are forgetful of our origins because from the moment of birth, we go forward away from our wellspring, and are confused by the fog ahead of us, and try to figure it out the rest of the way.

Mone said...

The real love, you described the best in your blog in a sensual way. Love to everything. And if couples have the same understanding and did end up together, there is probably nothing on earth that will compare to that..

Actually I wrote an imaginary conversation between a 'wizard' and his disciple title "what is love, the wizard asks", I think it falls well or close to your definition :) check it out
http://maswad.blogspot.com/2006/10/what-is-love-wizard-asks.html

Anonymous said...

Nature is solely the part that felt the breath of soul.
Humans are the ones who walk the paths of spirit.
Love in it's true nature is a spiritual activity and not a soul repulsion, solely ... neither a physical act. The latter is only the result of the preconditions of the first.
So much for Ibn Bint Jbeil.

_z. said...

:)

Mirvat said...

zee, when was the last time you were in love?

hey nour, nice to see you here again. how is everything?

chloe hahaha.. aspects eh

maya, that's the curse. once you're in it, you lose the excitement of looking for it.. i guess we always have to be hoping for something in life..

gitanes, you're one of the dreamers from the post, like me :) nothing wrong with having dreams.

ibj, i do appreciate the perspective love of nature could carry.. more reliable? i don't know.. definitely not relevant sometimes!

mone, i saw your post and i loved it!

and _z keep smiling, you have a wonderful smile.

Anonymous said...

in : poemspedia.com
More than 5000 Love Poems in a very user friendly interface with little ads