Sunday, May 07, 2006

Passing for normal..

Black hair again, Lost card, Tribecca film festival, It waits, Comedy Cellar, and driving him home while intoxicated. I lost the brown string on my wrist. What a shame, i had it for years. I even have an indentation in my wrist where it used to be. It was a reminder. It must be a sign. 2 hours later. It seems I pulled a muscle. I can hardly stand. I’ll just hold on to the podium. What are these people looking at? Are they still listening to me? I stopped listening to myself. I’m exhausted, can they feel it while I fake my enthusiasm? I see the blank faces and the wandering eyes. She has a very permissive face, very kind, I’ll just focus on her. It’s half the time already, I should pick up the pace. 40 more slides to go. I can hardly make it. Stop thinking about all this. Who is this guy anyway? I have never seen him before. That drawing I made on the blackboard is still there. I wonder who this guy is. He came today to make me feel better, that’s all. He has the most encouraging smile, I like his smile. Did they get this last point I tried to make, I’ll repeat it. His message was so weird today. I’m in Beirut, are you coming? I wonder what he is talking about. This is the controversial part of the talk, I should sound surprised and speak abruptly now. Good Suzan woke up. I should keep playing with my tone so that she won’t give in to her usual snooze. What happens when this is over? One thing to the next obviously. Keeping busy and distracted. I saw him in my dream. I saw he had finally done it. I really hope he didn’t. I should check on him later. I wish she would stop shaking her leg. This is really annoying me. Who are these people? Show me the end of this. I’ll just look at the door and think about the end of it. What the fuck is she laughing about? Doesn’t matter. I’ll be over soon. Kevin Bacon is so hot. Why can’t I have a guy like him? Oh finally the door opens. It must be over. I’ll start thanking people now. I can’t wait till the next time...

(pic: drew it on my wall)

27 comments:

rouba said...

i loved this post mirvat! presentations ouff i detest them

laila said...

awesome post

Mirvat said...

thanks:)
it's funny that public speaking is number one phobia, more than death. i hate them too.

hashem said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
hashem said...

as we spoke Ya Mirvat,
who are the people infront of you anyways? You know better than all of them.

Ghassan said...

you lost the brown string on your wrist!

Mar said...

I like the scattered thoughts, so natural and spontaneous.It reminds me of how I'm like most of the time, all over the place.

Mirvat said...

me too :)

Mirvat said...

yeah gus it's gone! i didn't even break it, it just fell.. it is a sign!

FZ said...

loved this too-- so stream-of- consciousnesss. isn't it great how the energy accelerates inside you at the very end of a presentation, like a sudden released stream of endorphins?

Zee said...

one day I'd love to see the rest of your walls...

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