Saturday, May 13, 2006

The page next to last in my life..


I know I’ll have a great weekend. The weather is just perfect today. I’ve been walking around with this stupid smile all day. I will not miss this Saturday. I am going out.

I missed the Five Boro Bike Tour last Sunday over a paper deadline.
I missed the Yo-Yo Ma concert at the philharmonics yesterday. I had the ticket for 3 months now and I was really looking forward to go but I knew I would have to stay for this last minute experiment. I gave the ticket to a cellist friend of mine and I was happy to see how excited he was.
You see, I do have a great life, except I’m missing it.

Last summer, we spent a month preparing for this camping and white water rafting trip. I had made it once before with the group to what was a one day canoeing trip. This trip was supposed to be for a week. I had bought all what I needed for it. A (15) person tent, sleeping bags and an awesome grill. Aside from this trip, I don’t camp and I don’t grill. You guessed it, I missed it. Well it happened that fleet week was right before that weekend and I met Sebastian that week. The same week I missed my second date with Sebastian over a dinner on my boss’s yacht with some collaborators.
Sometimes I come through. Like Amjad would be dying to see a movie that just came out and I would be too busy for weeks at a time. A year later, I would rent the movie, after he had seen it at least 10 times, and cook him dinner.

Earlier this year, and due to increasing memory loss, I have made a habit to write down everything. I have my little note book in my purse which I take out several times a day. I would write down things that I need to note and appointments I need to add to my calendar, shopping list, the last page is always reserved for phone numbers. Later I started adding any little observation that I would find fascinating at the moment, some poetry lines, thoughts on how to make money, more on how to lose money and mostly ideas on how to torture people around me. The second to last page is why I started this habit in the first place and it was consecrated to things I want to do.

It started with upcoming little events and really silly things like learn how to wrap grape leaves. I would little by little achieve these goals. Another goal would be to learn all the train lines in Manhattan, which i still don't know. Or walk in the rain, I always wanted to do that. I’m afraid to catch a cold though, so one day. I would sometimes catch myself cheating and erasing goals that i did not achieve. Or would start writing down little excuses next to the event stating the very compelling reason that made me miss it. Then the list started building up into these little self-improvement tasks and these cease-the-day type of escapades that, in reality, we never have the time to do. My list goes something like: Take up Yoga, Learn Spanish, Italian and Japanese, move to Chelsea, organize CDs, start a recipe book, go sky diving, lose 20 pounds, live in Paris for a year, buy a car, buy a washer and a dryer, learn an instrument even if it’s going to kill you, learn to assemble the FRET filters on the microscope, finish those Tango lessons, lose 20 pounds…

Well, as you guessed by now, it didn’t work. So I do things in a very messy sloppy unorganized way. Some get done and some don't and probably never will be achieved. There's no use in getting neurotic over it. It is meant to be just for fun anyway, life I mean. If not this concert, another concert, another trip, another dish, another language, another man… I learned to keep going and it’s working out well…

24 comments:

laila said...

:)
bass nothing is worth missing on the things you adore (yo-yo ma! r u nuts??).after i got sick last year, my priorities got completely rearranged.
oh, and I never got to the stage of writing goals down..I can never follow it..everyday i change my mind and it's a whole new serious decision that gets blown off the next day..especially losing those pounds (how is it possible when nutella and i "have" to live under the same roof?)

hashem said...

Mirvat,
I love it alot. So well written, and described. I could see myself in alot of the lines....same ideas, things to do (minus the weight losing....)
You know what? It's not a matter to get the thing done or not....what matters is that you are still alive to think and consider them....and more important have the chance to if you ever want to....
For me, I'll never miss a concert at least once a month....but a movie....ok...I'll rent it later....no big deal...I gave up in trying to do all I want, but I still have a list....I have actually 2 lists....things I need to do, and another for things I want to do...
You guess, they are almost 2 different lists!!
Good luck in your life my friend...at least it's an excting one!

Mirvat said...

i was ready to cry yesterday over the concert. was washing samples with vengeance.. you're right, maybe it'll come to me with time..

Mar said...

As long as it's working out well, like you said: No use in getting neurotic over it. There were times when I got neurotic over not being in control but it's a relief to let go and do/enjoy what my time permits to.

Movies, I plan to go see the good titles, rarely do, and don't enjoy it when rented as I would have, had I seen at the movies

Zee said...

I utterly enjoyed your post! It could have been called:
What do grape-leaves, JoJo and pounds have in common?
Answer: Mirvat!
Anyhow, it stinks that you didn't make it to the concert - on the other hand I love the way you handled it and made someone else happy!!!

Zee said...

... sorry, YoYo

Mirvat said...

zee, that would be a funnier title.

mar, yes we're getting busier and busier and as long as we achieve part of it is fine..

abul hish, so you have lists too..my lists have branched into, urgent and important, urgent but not important, important but not urgent...in terms of work and life mostly..could be done or not..
the important thing is that we're having fun..(oh and the weight loss..done)

Ghassan said...

the most delicious warak 3anab she makes!!!!

Ghassan said...

mmm. Shahayteena bhal soora

Mirvat said...

thanks babe... eh we ana halla' bedde wara' 3enab

FZ said...

mirvat, i love your style. i'm a listmonger too, tiny scraps scrawled and lost and remembered and daydreamed about, a whole other life that might descend one day in tiny bits of paper, or as feathers, or confetti. :)

Mirvat said...

thanks fz. it's a good strategy i think to keep track of who we want to be.. we keep evolving, sometimes beyond the dreams on the paper, sometimes we fall short. the paper stays to show that we keep on trying and that, to me, is what counts :)

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