Sunday, February 03, 2008




BACK TO NORMAL
















How do you tell your mom that you need to stay away, that it is what you have to do, that this time it will be for a while ...
How do you tell yourself that this is the right thing to do. How do pull yourself together and pull yourself stronger and look away ...
How do you tell that little child that you'll see him again one day ...
How do you ask a child to stop crying your name ... To stop loving you so much .. How do you ask him to kindly forget you for a while …
How do you shut the child crying inside of you ...
That inconvenient child that makes you want to stay, to give it all up ... How do you tell the child inside that this is the hand you were dealt? To keep leaving, to keep moving, to look for life away from your life …
Mama said, your destiny will lead you … How do you tell your mom that you don’t believe in destiny… that this is the weight you have to endure … the guilt of making the choice of being away from her and going back to yourself … so that you can survive, so that you won’t blame her if you miss yourself and you’ll only blame yourself when you miss her …

I think it's brutal to be ravaged with emotions this strong and to be faced with decisions this grave. I am not hiding anymore and not blaming myself for being shocked and being confused. It is sad. So very sad but we will survive this one too like we did before.

Thank you for the wakeup call!
I am already smiling again ...

12 comments:

Maya@NYC said...

love it. every word was pulling on my heart. hope you are happy wherever you decide to end up.

laila said...

:)

M said...

"How do you tell yourself that this is the right thing to do."
Easy, one letter can do it
Just think P

Mirvat said...

you too maya :)

Mar said...

going back to nyc? thought about u this weekend walking around the city? weyn ray7a weyn?

...so that you won’t blame her if you miss yourself and you’ll only blame yourself when you miss her …

now thats just breaks the heart... it breaks my heart when she allows me to go too... it's sick

_z. said...

I echo maya's comment...

you will never come to terms with being away.
they will never get your reasons... you actually don't get your reasons or don't think them to be necessarily imperative...

it's just something you have to do

Lirun said...

hey jumeaux.. je connais exactement ce que tu decris.. précisément .. je suis parfois étonné par nos ressemblances..

bisous du sud..

Mirvat said...

i know mar, and it's like they don't think that they can ask us to stay but you want to hide in her arms and ask her to not let you go .. so you're in nyc? lucky you! are you back for a vacation? still live in Dubai yeah? did you hear J. got married? :)

yeah _z, it's just what we have to do.. to stay true to ourselves i guess.. i don't know but this is what i came to learn after my little experiment!

salut jumeaux mechant :) mais je connais ca tres bien et c'est ma meme raison de t'avoir appeler evil twin des le debut!
bisous du nord

Zee said...

I can not (obviously) follow all the nuances of choices and decisions you have to go through and make for yourself.
It sounds banal, but in the end it's true:
Follow your heart!

Where you can breathe without stutter, positive changes will come about.

Zee said...

p.s. ---
the picture you posted is adorable. Thanks for sharing.

Mirvat said...

thank you :)

Anonymous said...

you are very beautiful Mirvat :)