Monday, January 28, 2008

One of those days ...

It's another day of mourning here and everything is closed. I still get busy on Sunday nights preparing for Monday mornings so that the very stressful day would go by as smoothly as possible. This Monday is a mourning day though and I’m even more distraught with the continuous inability to accomplish anything here with the general mood of lack of purpose and uncertainty. It’s another blurry day.. another lazy day …


I managed to clean and do laundry and the dishes and do some readings and send out some emails and analyze data and exercise and take my pills and do my grocery shopping and pace back and forth in the yard and I still have most of the day to spare so I sat down with a beer and popcorn to watch the actors guild awards.


I know this sounds weird but I’m totally heartbroken over the death of Heath Ledgers. Actually I’m writing this as an excuse to talk about that. It’s ripping my heart out. The first time I saw the news, it did not affect me really. I was more surprised and waiting to see how it happened. The more I saw his pictures everywhere the more I got upset about it.

When Daniel Day-Lewis talked about him today, I started crying, especially when he referred to the last scene of Brokeback mountain. I remember sobbing when I saw that scene in the movie. It was so real and so sad like life giving life and life ceasing at a loss. It’s so sad that he died. It’s so sad how he stopped being just like that, how he stopped existing… it’s so sad that in real life, life around him will go on after him …

I don't know why it got me so sad.
It's nobody's business really that he died or why he died ...
Maybe, again, it's the general mood of death and mourning here and my constant state of denial of everything around me and that his death is a more focused glamorized image of death ... If death can be glamorized anyway ...
I guess it's one of those days.
I don't know ...

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

ordinarilly I would'nt comment on Stars dying with all the countless senseless deaths all around, but it seemed cruel that all the news first said it was his fault and he was a druggy.

transient said...

I agree with that comment. But what seemed sad was your post in general, the mood of the photos is very meloncholy. They are a restrained storm while remaining nostolgically eager.

_z. said...

I don't know it this is utter B.S, but I actually think you are getting back to your usual self. Or the way I have known you. If I can dare call this "normal", you are getting back to your "normal" self.

The writing, the pictures, and of course the colors. Black suits you much better.
and the head picture is just amazing... extremely beautiful.
If I may add only one thing: could you move the word title to the right? it is blocking the silhouette in the middle.

welcome back stranger...
welcome back my friend.

_z. said...

hehe, better ma hek?
no just try pushing "passing for normal" also to the right... you don't have to keep it, just try it and see how it feels like...

amazing picture again...

Mirvat said...

you're so cute :)
thanks for wanting my blog to look better.. well thanks for getting me to write again anyway.

Mar said...

I second z ... amazing picture on the top... simply beautiful and stories can be told around it... want me to start analyzing it?

laila said...

hayete..thanks..

snurdly said...

Heath is in Hell because he romanticized homosexuality.

Mirvat said...

snurd, i see that you maintain pathetic sad little opinions in all topics really, at least you're consistent.

laila said...

hahahahaaaa