When you look it in the face..
when you live it..
there aren't five stages of grief..
there's only one stage..
an endless circle
a repeating dream..
you forget and then you remember..
your brain tries to wrap around the news
and you cannot overcome the unthinkable
so you forget again
till it hits you again
and every time it hits harder
with the added guilt of having avoided thinking about it..
it is not stages
it is an endless cycle