Saturday, April 21, 2007

I wear the gray pants laying carelessly on the dresser, a clean shirt, and the boots thrown in the back of the closet. My hair in a knot and some concealer to hide the marks of a night spent thinking of you.
I drink my coffee listening to the morning news; refill the cat plate and throw some papers together for work, carelessly…
I throw my coat on my chair, check my messages and run out to my eye exam. I am told my eyes do not relax enough and I laugh. I throw my reading glasses in my purse, carelessly and I pick up some lunch.
I sit under the sun and eat slowly, looking around me, carelessly. I make some appointments, hair … facial… I have an important evening coming up … without you …
I sit at my desk, I look at my screen, carelessly. I book my plans for the summer and make some phone calls. I let my hair down and I stare in the void.
What am I doing, here, without you?
You told me there is nothing that I cannot do but how come I cannot do this? How come I cannot forget you?
I call you …
I stop …
We did leave each other. This did happen but I cannot accept it.
I go back to work and I pass the time … I let the day go by in a daze of disbelief, just like the day before.
I let the day go by, carelessly, to go home and think of you. To go home and miss you silently and mourn, quietly …
This is too real. Too painful. Too great of a pain for me to handle.
Too real …
I lay down, helplessly and I close my eyes.
My eyes that cannot relax …
My tears warm up my pillow and i fall asleep ...
And I think of you …

9 comments:

laila said...

stop spying on me.. you're freaking me out..

Lirun said...

nyny - still affected by my trip as well..

bizarre.. your post summarises some of my vibes bigtime..

AM said...

:) thank you for the post :)

Chas said...

Human beings are so good at so many things.
Coping with loss is not one of them. The intensity fades with time, the pain informs our actions for ever.
Without it we would never know what it means to be human.
What would we become if we did not weep?

Chas.

Zee said...

oh Mirvat

Lirun said...

tu me manques!! t'es ou la

Mirvat said...

:)
tu me manques aussi petit ami. je suis ici cachee sous les livres.
i'll be back to life soon i hope!

paris parfait said...

Such a heartwrenching bittersweet story. I feel for you and understand your pain.

i*maginate said...

beautifully written